Krazy side of reality

In response to the recent development in the Niger Delta region of Nigeria, I hereby apply for the unadvertised position of a KIDNAPPER in your highly infamous organization of Militia Force.
Listed below are my abilities and qualifications;
Ø Extremely violent behavior
Ø Ability to brandish weapons like guns and machetes
Ø Ability to identify children of foreign nationality less than 3 years of age seated in a jeep.
Ø Ability to break car windows with gun butts

Experience gathered include but are not limited to the following:
Ø Born and grew up under the bridge in Lagos.
Ø Trainee Agbero AKA Area Boy for one year at Mile 2, Lagos.
Ø Customer service executive of Agbero Iyana Ipaja Lagos, 2 years.
Ø Personal assistant to Executive Director of Agbero Lagos and West 2 years

Professional Membership/ Affiliations:
Ø Member, Agbero Association, Lagos Chapter.
Ø Special Member, of the Ibadan thugs during the recent past election period

Referees:
Ø Executive Director of Agbero, Lagos and west
Ø Tokyo, NURTW Chairman, Ibadan
Ø Godfather of Ibadan Thugs, Pa Adedibu.

Thank you, in anticipation of a favorable response.

Yours in Violence,
Moshood AKA Mortuary

Positive Talk

Life is delicate,
In all what you do always try to regulate,
Always stay positive,
Even if to every situation you are sensitive,
Never be negative,
Instead try being imaginative and creative,.
Take time to meditate,
And to a certain extent try to tolerate.
Cos nobody is perfect.
For what people do to you be appreciative,
In unfavourable circumstances don’t be apprehensive.
In all what you do , put your whole might,
When things go wrong, don’t take to flight,
Believe in yourself that everything would be alright,
Cos at the end of every tunnel there is always light
So don’t take to fright,
You might end a pitiable sight,
Making people aware of your plight.
Always go to where you are celebrated,
And not where you are tolerated.
Try to stay appreciated,
So that you wouldn’t be neglected.
Don’t ever be a pest,
Especially when put to test,
Try to emerge the best
From amongst the rest.
And most importantly,
Trust and believe in God,
And not in dogs,
Or in logs,
Which will only your progress clog.
Cos God is the real deal,
That would constantly give you the real meal.

God’s Own

We human beings are God’s most wonderful creation,
Whom He loves with plenty of passion.
He desires our undivided attention,
So as to give us his divine direction,
That we may get the correct interpretation,
Of his ministrations.
But we have to give him our total devotion,
Which is our heart being filled with God’s own emotion,
That has no contamination,
From the world’s corruption.
He will surely give us his salvation,
After due considerations,
Of the sincerity of our actions.
Then this life’s frustrations
And the world’s lamentations
Will not lead us into temptation
Which is the pathway to eternal damnation.
His free gift of salvation
Was paid for by his crucifixion
Thereby granting us justification from fear of rejection and condemnation,
Victory over the enemies’ oppression and suppression,
And liberation from all forms of detention.
Thus he would unlimit our limitation,
Remove restrictions on our promotion,
Grant us progress in our education,
Success in our intentions
And elevation in our professions.
We will achieve our ambitions,
Attain our aspirations.
Our life would witness the sweet sensation of his glorious manifestation
Resulting in our heartfelt jubilation and victorious shout of celebrations.
Thus, in this life till eternity,
We will always get God’s own total satisfaction,
For we will be God’s own perfect creation.

Show your Love

Hi God, you know I have always being in love with you. Though it’s being like three months since I listened to you last, but I’ve been very busy. And it’s always like it’s me doing the talking at any time we get to communicate, but you understand now, I have so many things that need your urgent attention.
Yeah, I know, it’s even like when I need something that’s when I call on you.
Your book? You mean the one you want me to read always. Em…..well, I read it, but i………I kind of like don’t have time now, but I still glanced at it like 2 or 3 weeks ago.
I really try to always do what you say I should do, but it just seems I do what you say I shouldn’t do more.
Your place? Well………..i always have it in mind to come, but you know, that’s the only day of the week I have to myself; you know I have to do my laundry and some other stuffs, and get prepared for the working week.
Ok, ok, God, I admit it; you’ve got me, am guilty. I know, I don’t wait and listen to hear from you, I just pray, and ask and ask and ask. And worse still, I only pray when I need your help. Am sorry about your book, my bible, it has been gathering dust somewhere.
I know Lord that I have not been doing your will, I always do the wrong things, and coming to church has not featured in my schedule for a long time.
I admit it Lord, am sorry, I know you love me, and I love you too Lord. But help me to show the love Lord and not just say it. Let my desires be towards you always Lord. Thank you Lord.
Em…..Lord, hope you haven’t forgotten the money I asked you o!

The Car

I love cars,
I love to drive them,
To be in control,
Make them jump when I press the controls,
Make them honk and horn for joy,
Service them as often as I can,
And walk away when the joy of driving the car is over.
Thus I have driven many a cars,
And well, crashed a few too.

Saw a car I really would love to drive,
The windscreen is one of a special kind,
With nice and attractive headlights,
A glistening and well tuned body structure,
Solid and well oiled engine,
And with a lovely, attractive and well rounded trunk to match.
It is simply a masterpiece.
I have a lovely dark car of my own,
A true masterpiece too,
And I love my car.
But I still wanted this car too.
I knew I couldn’t drive it for as long as I would like,
But I still wanted to drive it.

I made my intentions known,
The car didn’t mind,
Cos there seems to be a void I could fill.
But was told the car had a driver,
And that I could tag along if that didn’t bother me
So I hopped into the passenger seat
Waiting, watching and biding my time.

After a long while of not getting a chance to be at the steering wheels,
I suddenly found myself at the back seat,
The back seat was full, over crowded and very uncomfortable
I stayed there for a while,
Hoping I could still make it into the driver’s seat, even if for a limited time.
But I had always lived my life according to simple rules
And one which states, “Enjoy it, don’t endure it, or else… walk away.”

I was enjoying the ride no more,
I was enduring it,
Many a request I made was turned down,
And since I was not in control, I couldn’t afford to complain too much
So I still tried to enjoy it.
The back seat kept getting fuller, more crowded and more uncomfortable,
But the back seat was never a place meant for me,
I just had to get out
So I jumped out of the window,
No good byes, no reasons, no nothing.
I landed on my behind.
But I was happy I got out.

For a while my absence didn’t seem to be felt,
I also missed the warmth of the car,
I came to terms with the fact that,
I was probably being tolerated and not celebrated after all,
Then I noticed the brake lights were on,
And the reverse lights came on,
The car crept back,
Hesitant, but still crept back,
Didn’t ask why I got out,
And I didn’t bother to offer any explanation.


Now I stroll along the road with the car beside,
Would I get into the car again?
Well, maybe, or maybe not,
Or u know, on the condition that I get the driving seat,
But that would be selfish
Cos I can’t drive the car forever,
U know, I have a car of my own.
So now I walk,
Even though, I still would love to drive the car.

LOGIC VS. EMOTION

I see her……………..
My head tells me, “She’s fine”.
My heart tells me, “Go for her”.
I want her…………..
My head tells me, “You can get her if you want to”.
My heart tells me, “It’s she or nobody else for you”.
I sense her………….
My head tells me, “She’s too fine for her own (or even anybody’s) good”.
My heart tells me, “Only the finest is good enough for you”.
I think about her………….
My head tells me, “She is like a magnet that attracts all sorts; guys, competition, rivalry, fights……………”.
My heart tells me, “This is once in a lifetime opportunity to get what you rightfully deserve; a beauty of a lady as your woman.
I draw her……….
My head tells me, “Don’t be a fool, walk away while you still can”.
My heart tells me, “Carry go, no shaking”.
I call out to her, “……excuse me……”.
My head tells me, “This can only end in a disaster”.
My heart tells me, “It can only get better”.
She looks my way……………….
My head tells me, “Tell her it’s all a mistake and pass on by”.
My heart tells me, “Move in, engage and lock on”.
She smiles at me……………
My head loses contact with my tongue.
My heart triples its normal rate.
She moves closer………………
I said, “Hi”.
“Hello”, she replied.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
“Am fine”, she said.
“So….., what’s up with you?”
“Nothing much, just chilling”.
“So.., , what you doing tonight?”
“Well, it depends on you”, she said, looking at me coyly.
“Well, lets go someplace, you know, take a bite, and drink, get to rub minds together,” I stated and added, “then maybe I’ll take you to know my place”.
“No problem”, she said and added, “But it will cost you”.
“What do you mean?” I asked, wondering what she meant by that statement.
“N1, 000 for a round, N1, 500 for two rounds, and N5, 000 for *T.D.B”, she replied smiling.
I move back startled, turned and walked away quickly.
“No it can’t be,” I muttered to myself.
“Yes it is,” my head said.
My heart said nothing.
“She can’t possibly be a …………”, I started to say, but couldn’t bring myself to say the word.
“Well, she is”, my head said and added, “She is a prostitute”.
My head asked my heart, “So what do you have to say now?”
My heart replied, “Love is blind”.


*T.D.B – Till day break

Love logically, and not emotionally, use your head and not your heart.
The brain has more staying power than the dick, the brain is always hard.

PLAY SAFE

I saw a girl in ekpoma,
Seated in a dark corner,
Chewing a nut called kola,
And sipping a bottle of coca cola.
As a true player,
An highly skilled woman hunter,
And a very successful toaster.
I stepped up to the sister,
In order to make her my lover.
Naturally am not a liar,
But I be sweet talker,
So I told the sister
My name na Michael Power
And that I be obasanjo’s uncle’s aunt’s step brother.
Sharp, sharp she draws me closer,
Telling me her name na Tina,
But that I can also call her Edna,
That she needs a black brother
That has the power
To make her feel better.
Since the weather was getting colder
So I took her to my quarters
So we could get a little bit warmer
I used my finger to check the sister’s under
But I discover
That my ten fingers
Enter the sister for under
Anyway I brought out my hammer
And ram enter the sister for under
I first started to go tender
Then I went faster
Na so she say brother you can do better
I then started to hammer harder
Na so she shout brother you are greater
And as I go deeper
Na so she scream brother
You are the real lover
That has the power
To take me to the ninth wonder.
Anyway, nine months later,
I was a father,
Cos I didn’t use the rubber.